


Reaching for Forgiveness

by DaniCarli



Series: ETNuary Challenge [14]
Category: Escape the Night (Web Series)
Genre: A Lot of Issues, Acceptance, Afterlife, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Death, Depression, ETNuary, Escape the Night Season 1, Gen, Guilt, I'm Sorry, Matt is trying to do better, Sad, Taking responsibility, apology letter, hopelessness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:53:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22250602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaniCarli/pseuds/DaniCarli
Summary: Matt Haag reaches from beyond the grave for one last apology to the survivors of the 1920s house
Series: ETNuary Challenge [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1588867
Comments: 10
Kudos: 14





	Reaching for Forgiveness

**Author's Note:**

> Day 14 of ETNuary: Matthew Haag

To Joey, Eva, and Oli,

It honestly wouldn’t surprise me if you took this and burned it without so much as taking a peek. Because God knows I probably deserve it. But if you do end up reading this, I just want to say that I’m sorry. For everything.

It’s weird being dead, definitely not what I expected. And there are so many questions I have about it, one of them being how am I able to send a message to you guys from beyond the grave? But it doesn’t matter, I just couldn’t move on until I’ve said what I needed to say.

You three (as well as Lele and Tim) had every right to be angry at me. I gave up. I let the darkness of that house consume me and bring me down to despair. After what happened with Sierra and playing this death game with no possible end in sight, I just felt like there was no point to even go on. That wasn't fair to you all and I will make no excuses for it.

It made sense that you gave up on me. Even if I had won against Tim, even if I tried to prove myself again, what’s done is done and I can never take that back. I lost your trust and that’s on me and me alone.

Joey: I’m sorry I failed as a team player, as well as a friend. From the get go, I always knew you weren’t in league with the evil, that you were a good guy who wanted us to survive and make it out. _I_ was the one being the terrible friend and it was unfair to put you in that position when I gave up hope. I could sense your disappointment in me and that should have been the moment to wake up and get my shit together. You did all that you could, but enough was enough. I’m sorry I let you down.

Oli: You were my friend since the beginning of the night. Out of all of us men, you were the good guy, the one who wanted to prevent drama and division, the one that kept saying that we needed to be a team and work together. As much as I was closer to Tim, I am glad that it was you who survived, you did a lot more than people realized. But most of all, I’m sorry about putting you in the circus challenge.  
I thought at the time that Lele had finally calm down. I didn’t want to be the bad guy who continued to target her, so I picked the first name that came to my mind. There is no excuse for betraying you the way I did and if you had died because of I was horrible friend…well, I guess you could say my hopelessness would have began there. You were nothing but a great friend to me and I violated your trust; even just saying “I’m sorry” isn’t enough to show how terrible I feel. You’re a great person, Oli, and don’t ever lose that light in you that was lost in me.

Eva: Where do I even begin. I thought I had seen the worst rage in video game competitions I’ve competed in, but none of them compared to you when you lost your temper with me. I understand why you got so upset and I will admit that I definitely deserved it. I killed Sierra, I gave up on the group, and my downward spiral was slowing everyone down, so of course _anyone_ in their right mind would snap the way you did.  
Speaking of Sierra...God, I am so sorry! I made a stupid, reckless decision and it cost an innocent girl her life, someone who was your best friend. I don’t know what I would have done if I actually read the note, but all I know is _she_ should have been the one to survive that exorcism, not me! I don’t expect you to ever forgive me for all that happened, but that doesn’t mean I won’t reach out and apologize. You’re an incredible, smart, and badass person, Eva, and you deserved to survive with Oli, as well as live a happy life, free from the nightmares of that house and what it did to us.

So I’ve said what I needed to say to you guys. As I told Eva, I don’t expect any of you to forgive me. I have already apologized to the others here, whatever _here_ is.  
Tim being Tim brushed it off as nothing and said we were good, he’s still trying to help me get out of this funk I’m still trapped in.  
I was hesitant with Sierra, but she also forgave me after a time; I guess she was just tired of fighting and being against her friends.  
I haven’t spoken to Lele yet, though. She and I are still on not so great terms, but I actually hope we can work it out for everyone’s sake. I don’t want to be seen as the bad guy here, so once I get the chance, I’m going to try to talk to her. What’s even the point in fighting anymore when we’re both dead?

Again, I’m sorry you guys. I wish I was more of a fighter and not the coward who the let that house consume him. I wish I did things differently, I wish I didn't let you down, but it is what it is. I accepted the consequences and I paid for my crimes. Whether you guys forgive me or not, I do hope that you all live better lives and move on from the nightmare of what happened that night. You all deserve so much more. Just live your lives and don’t give up hope.

Always,  
Matt

**Author's Note:**

> I do feel bad for Matt and it sucked he was painted as the bad guy; he just wanted to help and the evil broke him


End file.
